I'm enjoying the sun in Indochina so can't be at home for the celebrations, but I'll still raise a glass and no doubt find some Aussies where I am - I just need to look for the nearest bunch of yobs sinking some beers and singing the 80's classic from Men At Work!
I'm not sure if you know, but we have a citizen test now here in Australia, you get to sit an exam of 20 random questions chosen from a pool of 200 if you decide you want to migrate and become a citizen - Through my contacts I've scored a few of these questions, so if you ever wondered if you could cut it and become an Aussie, go ahead and give this a try:
AUSTRALIAN CITIZENSHIP TEST
1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term 'died in the arse'?
2. What is a "bloody little beauty"?
3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?
4. Explain the following passage: 'In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some
bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the
chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and
Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo.'
5. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100
km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on
average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?
6. Complete the following sentences:
a) 'If the van's rockin' don't bother ?
b) You're going home in the back of a ?
c) Fair crack of the ?
7. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss
8. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?
9. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard 'up on blocks'? Is his name Bruce
and does he have a wife called Cheryl?
10. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet
of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?
11. What are the ingredients in a rissole?
12. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.
13. Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and sounds like a bloke?
14. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav
washed down with someone else's beer that has been flogged from a bath full of ice?
15. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's meat or are you only
allowed to eat your own?
16. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter 'b' is required by law to be included in a
hamburger with the lot?
17. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?
18. Is it possible to 'prang a car' while doing 'circle work'?
19. Who would you like to crack on to?
20. Who is the most Australian: Kevin 'Bloody' Wilson, John 'True Blue' Williamson, Kylie Minogue
21. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool?
22. What does "sinkin piss at a mates joint" and "getten para" mean?
23. How far would you wear your mockies?
Back yard only?
To the letter box?
To the milk bar for a packed of winni blues?
To the movies?
To shoppo? (large shopping centre)
To the pub?
Wondering about the answers? you know what they say, if you have to ask well then.....
Glasses - Alphavillian: Pistola Sunglasses
Facial Hair - najl designs: facial hair tattoo
Goatee - Jaryth's Barber Shop: Chin Beard II
Tattoo - Your's truly: Southern Cross
Shorts - lotus noir: Cruch
Thongs (a.k.a. flip flops) - Hoorenbeek: California flip flops, black
So until next time... Aussie Aussie Aussie!